On Control

I have control issues. Like bad. To the point where I can't be a passenger in a car without getting crazy anxious. Now, I don't consider myself a control freak. I just find comfort in knowing I'm in control of my own life.

This past month has been crazy. Things haven't been going my way. And the worse things got, the harder I fought to try and control all the various situations. Then I broke. I couldn't deal with the stress anymore. I couldn't deal with the insomnia. I couldn't deal with the uncertainty.

To keep my sanity, I had to (very, very quickly) learn to accept that I didn't have control over any of it. I don't have control over clients. I don't have control over office politics. I don't have control over decisions my friends make. I don't have control over what people think, feel or say. I. Don't. Have. Control.

So I shifted my focus. Because I do have control of my thoughts. My actions. My decisions. That decision to focus only on those things I can actually control, well that decision took me from miserable to excited in less than 24 hours. No joke.

Because I can't control client feedback. But I can control what I choose to do with it.
I can't control office politics. But I can control the role I play in them. 
I can't control decisions friends make. I can control how those decisions effect me. 
I can't control what people think, feel or say. I can control what I think, feel and say.

The lesson here is really just a reminder. You only have control over yourself. It's an empowering lesson. It's a freeing lesson. And it's a lesson I'll probably need a refresher course in again and again.